My last two posts dealt with two distinct sci-fi novels and the insights that they offered. But not all books need to be ‘high-tech’ to provide transferable real-world learnings! In my view, the one big concept that every single work of fiction teaches us (regardless of genre) is that of empathy.
By the very nature of the art form, fiction forces readers to look at events from the point of view of characters that exist outside of themselves. And hence, it is not surprising to learn that people have actually conducted studies to understand whether reading fiction makes us better people.
The novel The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick goes a step further, making an explicit effort to teach readers empathy without being preachy at all. This book (which was later adapted and made into a movie) is centred around Pat Peoples, a troubled middle-aged man who was sent to a rehabilitation centre after a fallout from a failed marriage. He has now returned home and is trying to get his life back together, but he has lost a chunk of his memory following a mental breakdown during rehab. He is delusional about his chances of making things right with his ex-wife, even though she divorced him 4 years ago and is now happily married to another man. Not to mention, Pat has been served with a restraining order that prevents him from making any form of contact with his ex-wife.
Link to the book: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0374533571
While the story delves into a number of themes - mental illness, family dynamics, coping with death (to name a few), I believe empathy is the story’s binding element.
What is Empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand other peoples’ thoughts and emotions from their point of view rather than your own. While different people display empathetic behaviour in different capacities and in different situations, it is a skill that can be learnt.
True to the spirit of treating empathy as a trainable skill, The Silver Linings Playbook deals with multiple levels of empathy which people can acquire over their lifetimes:
Beginner Level: “I’ve faced this too, so I get how you feel.”
At the start of the book, Pat has made it out of the rehabilitation centre, but he is still nowhere near healthy yet. He is on tons of medication, has mood swings and is still finding it difficult to come to terms with reality.
He meets Tiffany who is a relatively recent widow and faces psychological problems of her own. Her derailment has prompted behaviour that led her to lose her job. Pat and Tiffany start to develop an unlikely friendship, but Pat’s friends advise him to keep her at arm’s length, as seen in the below excerpt from the book (narrated in Pat’s voice):
Ronnie retrieves the ball, jogs back into his range, and says, “Tiffany is a little odd. Do you understand what I mean by odd, Pat?” I catch his even more wobbly pass just before it reaches my right kneecap, and say, “I guess.” I understand that Tiffany is different from most girls, but I also understand what it is like to be separated from your spouse, which is something Ronnie does not understand. So I ask, “Odd how? Odd like me?”
His face drops, and then he says, “No. I didn’t mean . . . It’s just that Tiffany is seeing a therapist—"
“So am I.”
“I know, but—"
“So seeing a therapist makes me odd?”
The above is a very simple example that highlights how personal experiences dramatically influence how one tends to judge people and situations. But depending solely on personal experiences is not an efficient way to become an empathetic person, because one cannot simply experience everything in a single lifetime! That brings us to:
Intermediate level: “I heard your story, and I can now understand how you feel.”
Pat, while still living in delusion about his chances of making up with his ex-wife Nicki, wants to impress her by reading books which she loves. He notices that all of these books have depressing endings that are in violent contradiction to his own belief that every dark cloud has a silver lining.
He is anguished to note that such books are taught to school children every day, and asks his therapist Cliff about this. The below conversation ensues:
“Life is hard, Pat, and children have to be told how hard life can be.”
“Why?”
“So they will be sympathetic to others. So they will understand that some people have it harder than they do and that a trip through this world can be a wildly different experience, depending on what chemicals are raging through one’s mind.”
I had not thought about this explanation, that reading books like The Bell Jar helped others understand what it was like to be Esther Greenwood. And I realize now that I have a lot of sympathy for Esther, and if she were a real person in my life, I would have tried to help her, only because I knew her thoughts well enough to understand she was not simply deranged, but suffering because her world had been so cruel to her and because she was depressed, due to the wild chemicals in her mind.
The above is a direct illustration of how it is important for all of us to go beyond catchy headlines and memes, and make intentional efforts to understand the full story. Only by exposing ourselves to different points of view, can we actually gain a good understanding of a situation, and avoid snap judgements.
But what if not all aspects of society are adequately represented in media or literature? What can people do to become empathetic beings by nature? The answer - they need to level up!
Advanced Level: “We’re all human beings, and so there must be a valid reason for you to do what you’re doing.”
This level requires a conscious mindset shift. As human beings are biased by nature, mastering the Advanced Level is a pipe dream for most people (I know I definitely haven’t reached this stage yet!). But it is still possible to make progress, as is beautifully portrayed in the book.
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In therapy, Pat is repeatedly advised to “focus on being nice rather than being right”. Prior to his breakdown, Pat was a short-tempered and adamant individual, and these tendencies caused tensions in his marriage. Over the course of the book, Pat repeatedly quotes the phrase “be nice rather than right” in his mind, and becomes a good listener in the process.
While conviction in one’s belief can be a source of strength, it can also be misguiding, for the simple reason that nobody knows it all. And hence, consciously practising a ‘nice-first approach’ can help you put yourself in other peoples’ shoes with greater ease.
Another example of the Advanced Level is seen at the end of the story. By now, Pat has regained his memory, and realizes that his mental breakdown had taken place after he had caught Nicki cheating on him with another man, Philip.
He decides to confront her once and for all, but notices that she is happily married to Philip. Seeing this, he aborts the confrontation mission.
While cheating in any shape or form is unacceptable, life needs to go on. It is the Advanced Level that helps Pat attain closure without sacrificing his own mental wellbeing. He tells himself that Philip is the man who makes Nicki happy. As an ex-husband who was betrayed, it is probably impossible for him to fully relate to this statement. But he still chooses to respect this fact, and the world is better for his decision.
Pro Level
Wait, what can be higher than the Advanced Level? Is it possible to be any more empathetic?
Well, the Pro Level is not about having more empathy. It’s about striking the right balance between empathy and apathy.
The book briefly talks about a football player named Terrell Owens who overdoses on drugs and has come under intense scrutiny in the public eye. Everyone, including Pat’s father, refers to Terrell as a “psychopathic pill popper”. Pat’s heart goes out to the footballer as he believes that Terrell has suffered from depression, not unlike himself. Pat starts to worry about whether, by definition, he himself has psychopathic tendencies.
When fans continue to jeer at Terrence during a football game, Pat talks about his feelings to Cliff, as seen in the below excerpt:
I sit down in the seat across from Cliff and say, “I just feel bad for T.O. That’s all.”
“He’s getting millions of dollars to endure this type of criticism. And he thrives on it. He brings it on himself with those touchdown dances and the hoopla. And these people don’t really want T.O. to die; they just don’t want him to perform well today. It’s all in good fun.”
This might come across as a bit insensitive from Cliff, especially given that he’s a therapist. But I think this is actually Cliff’s way of tempering Pat’s empathy, to prevent him from sabotaging his own progress with his mental wellbeing.
Empathy is a highly desirable skill, but there does exist such a thing as ‘empathy burnout’. In Dan Brown’s Inferno, we met a lead character Sienna who was incredibly smart and compassionate, and wanted to help people in poverty-stricken areas. But then she understood the magnitude of the suffering faced by people, and became overwhelmed by the situation, eventually running away.
Let’s say she had been ‘less empathetic’ in the traditional sense - treating her task as just a ‘project’ and the people as just ‘subjects’. In such a scenario, given her skills, she could have brought incremental improvements to these peoples’ lives. Does that mean a non-empathetic person is more impactful to society? No! After all, empathy is what drove her towards this project in the first place. The Pro Level is indeed a slippery slope!
Conclusion
The Silver Linings Playbook isn’t within the realm of fiction that I normally read. I accidentally discovered the movie, and then realized that it was based on a book. And boy, am I glad I found it! The book is heart-warming and sad at the same time, with a simple style of narration that is easy on the eye. The author does a great job at portraying the reality of mental illness, which adds to the book’s credibility as a solid primer on empathy.
Note - We are going through unprecedented times with the second COVID wave. Do stay home (if you can), and stay safe. Together, we can get through this crisis.
Very nice article! I have only seen the movie version of this, but I really loved it too. You should read the Ender's Game series. Brilliant fantasy/sci fi series, with a heavy emphasis on empathy from the eyes of the main character. Definitely your type of book :)